The love hate relashonship of zdynasty and zdynasty (another one shot to develop my character as a hole)

((ooc: This is just for role playing I know zdynasty has my personalty but this is a work out of my brain nothing close to this is going on like this in my life))
why did you do that thats what ran through zdynasty's thought " i don-" why did you do that zdynasty "I...I" zdynasty was starting to cry "I said sor-" SORRY? to little to late "i...I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL I JUST WANT TO BE HUMAN" zdynasty's thoughts seemed to get lougher the louder he got WELL YOUR NOT AN YOU WILL NEVER BE YOU CANT WHY DONT YOU TELL YOURSELF WHAT YOU DID "I DO A LOT OF THINGS AND EVERY TIME I DO SOMETHING...DO YOU WANT ME TO BE PERFECT?" ANSWER THAT YOURSELF "YOU DO I KNOW I CANT BE..." zdynasty cried WHO'S WHO BECAUSE IM YOU "shhhhh...SHUT UP" STOP AND THINK IM TRYING TO HELP ME AND YOUR JUST SHUTING IT DOWN JUST TELL YOUR SELF WHAT YOU DID "NO! I'M NOT GOING TO JUST STOP" Here I'll help I did "would you just leave me alone leave me and my regrets alone anything I do ANY THING I DO YOU STOP ME A HOUR LATER AND MAKE ME RERET IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE" LONGER THAN THAT ZDYNASTY "STOP I...FUCK MY LIFE" zdynasty's tears soaked most a lot of his face "I did not ask to be me... All i know i'm here to be a helper...I'm not suppost to help me only other people..." Hehe that's not true your telling yourself that zdynasty just wanted to die at this point "lets sleep on that I..." Alright but this is not done "..." zdynasty laughed down with his eyes closed but did not sleep zdynasty knew this but he just wanted time to get the zdynasty the alien one to get himself together
((occ: I know this is stronger than normal me but I want to prove i can be described as someone that has grown-up sence a week ago and some day we will look back at this and say man...zdynasty grew so much sence this topic  and i want to prove I can handle stronge topic and this depression zdynasty has that's staying for a long time))